


Start Again, Before The Memory Of The Mess We've Made

by ladylakebees



Series: When The Blizzard Ends [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Forgiveness, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, light description of drowning, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylakebees/pseuds/ladylakebees
Summary: 1500 years after Arthur Pendragon's death, he suddenly rises from the Lake Avalon again. His knights are awaiting him on it's shore as well as emerging from its waters, though Merlin is nowhere to be seen. Upon exploring the strange place they appeared from, they finally find their friend in a lone home. They're just so happy to see him alright and well, but why is he angry? Why is he running away from his dear friends? And why is Morgana approaching them right now??
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lancelot & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: When The Blizzard Ends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023439
Comments: 27
Kudos: 78





	1. Swan Song

If someone had told Arthur that his manservant, and best friend of over a seven years, would turn out to be the most powerful sorcerer– sorry, WARLOCK, to ever walk the Earth, he'd laugh in their face and probably exile them for making such an outrageous and frankly dangerous claim. Because if that was true, that would mean his father, the very man who started the war on magic and the Great Purge, had unwittingly assigned _Mer_ lin himself to be Arthur's personal servant, and that would just be too ironic, wouldn't it? Surely if this had been true, any sane (or rather, _in_ sane) sorcerer would have immediately gotten themself sacked to protect themself, or would have taken advantage of the situation and killed Arthur and Uther the moment they could.

Yet Merlin never did those things. Arthur abused the poor man for years and even sacked him a few times, even if it were never more than a few days, and he never ran for his life or tried to commit regicide. Instead, Merlin stayed a constant in Arthur's life, something he feels he never quite had before. He became a pillar, integral to his growth, was even a major moral compass for him. Even if he never truly showed it, Arthur trusted Merlin with his life, more than his own family or wife.

So when Gaius confirmed what he had horrifically concluded, that Merlin truly was a sorcerer, and that he had been his whole life, well… was he really wrong to be upset? The man he told everything to was a secret magic user and in return never told him anything about a major part of his life?

It took a long time- well, he supposed it was only three days, but when you were actively dying and in constant pain, three days feels like forever- but he eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn't actually the betrayal of magic that hurt him, but the lack of trust. But there was also his reflection on, could he really blame Merlin? Was there ever going to be a time when he didn't feel betrayed or hurt in some way about it all? Would it really have been better if he had known sooner, or later, or even never at all?

Dying in Merlin's arms confirmed what he already knew, as well as what he should have known—  
Merlin was the most loyal and trustworthy person Arthur had ever, and will ever meet. Magic or not, Merlin only had his best intentions at hand when it came to Arthur's wellbeing. He did his best, in every way he could, and well, isn't that what friends do? Arthur only wishes he had had the strength to say more than a simple "thank you."

*

So, to say he was shocked when it turned out he was, well, NOT dead, would be an understatement. Then again, he isn't sure he was feeling much more than "oh man, I'm drowning." Wherever he was, it was dark, and he was heavy, and his eyes and lungs were _burning._ His first instinct, after helplessly kicking and flailing, was to reach for his armor. _'Too heavy.'_ Being in the armor himself and no assistance, it was no small feat ripping off his gauntlets, vambrace, and rerebrace, but he is sure the only reason he managed to get his chest plate off was pure adrenaline. He just woke up from DEATH, Arthur _refused_ to die again!

It was dark, so dark where he was, but turning his head every which way, he manages to locate what he thinks, what he _hopes,_ is the surface of the lake. With all his might, Arthur shoots off of whatever he is near, and swims to the light. His legs and arms and lungs burn like the seventh layer of hell, but he cant stop moving, he can't stop swimming! He can't he can't _he can't —!_

The sound he made upon his head breaking through the water was nothing short of a cannon being shot. He gasps for air like a mad man, flailing his arms for dear purchase, but nothing was there, and so he dipped under the water's surface again and again- his eyes won't focus, he can't see past his hair and the algae clinging to him and his leftover armor and chainmail still dragging him downward- he can't _breathe-_

Arthur thinks he may just pass out in the middle of the water the moment his head sinks under again when he suddenly feels something, or rather someone, grasp his arm, and _yank_ him above water. Again he gasps for air and desperately tries to grab ahold of whoever has got him, but their arms are wrapping around his chest and he's being pulled against their front and he can swear they're yelling something but he can't hear them over the sound of his pounding heart and the rush of water in his ears.

After a terrifying few moments of literally being at the mercy of a stranger's hands, he feels his feet dragging against ground, or rather sand, and finally, finally, he is thrown onto a sandy shore, lightly splashing in the shallows. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't trembling and thanking the gods for whoever had just saved him. Speaking of who saved him…

He finally registered the firm grip on his shoulder and the knees of the stranger kneeling next to him. Arthur opens his mouth to thank them, but coughs instead at the burn of salty water in his throat. The stranger pounds on his back, saying something, but it's all garbled, he just can't focus on anything. He gasps for air once more, digs his fingers in the wet sand, and turns up to finally see his savior. His breath catches, not that he ever really caught it in the first place, and Arthur stills.  
"Elyan?"


	2. Repent and Repeat

Elyan and Arthur sat side by side, staring out in the water. Elyan was scrunched up, hugging his knees much like a child scared of the dark would. Arthur isn't much better, with his head hung down and wringing out what he can of his tunic. Out in the shallows of the lake, Leon and Percival were wrangling Gwaine, who had first given Arthur a hearty slap on the shoulder, then seemed to deflate after the greeting. When Arthur had proded him for his uncharacteristic show of downtrodden emotions, he had seemed rather insistent that he was the reason for the king's untimely death. Arthur, though he did want to comfort his knight, felt too weak at the moment, and simply hoped the other two knights could calm him.

On the far end of the beach, away from all of the rest, sat one Lancelot, on the request of Arthur himself. After Elyan had pulled him out of the lake, Lance had been one of the first to approach him, as if everything that had happened in the past meant nothing. He thinks if Lancelot had stayed in his sight much longer, he may have just strangled the man to death a third time. 

Arthur has been betrayed too many times in his life (lives?) by people he trusted and even would go as far as to say loved to have this conversation right here and now. Lancelot, Morgana, Mordred, Agravaine, Merlin, Guinevere, even his own father… and yet, something about Lancelot's betrayal hurt the worst. Not his sister's, not his father's, not even his closest friend's.

Lancelot was his brother in arms, and yet he betrayed Arthur not by giving out top secret intel, not by turning his sword against his king, but by weaponlessly attacking his own heart and soul. Sure he has forgiven Guinevere for her brief affair, but Lancelot…. Not only did he kiss Arthur's soon to be wife, but _killed himself_ afterwards. And it wasn't just him that was deeply betrayed by that.

He clearly remembers the day Lancelot first died. He remembers waking up to seeing Merlin on his knees, unmoving. If it weren't for the fact that he was sitting upright, Arthur would have sworn he was dead. _"He was just here,"_ he had whispered, and that had been when it clicked for the king of what had just happened. It felt wrong, but he and Gwaine had to basically drag the young man kicking and screaming back to the horses. _"Lance! Lancelot!"_ He had screamed and cried for his friend, begging to go back, to search for him, and it had broken Arthur's heart.

The second time Lancelot had died, or rather killed himself, Arthur no longer held resentment towards him for the affair, but rather because of how much of a ghost rather than human Merlin became. For months, he lifelessly attended to his duties, never quite joking like he used to again. One night, a few weeks after the incident, when Arthur had trekked to Gaius' home while concocting an excuse to give the poor man a day off, he had stopped outside the door to very clearly hear Merlin _sobbing_ to Gaius about his death and Gwen's departure and the feeling of utter failure. The king did not stay after that, he didn't think he could take seeing him as heartbroken as he sounded.

Arthur was just thankful Lancelot had not quite argued with his king, though the uneasy looks from the other four probably helped Arthur's case.

Gwaine, finally having gotten a hold of himself, demurely throws himself down next to Arthur. "What's next? What are we waiting for now?" he asks in a raspy voice, something they all shared from the mutual almost-drownings. Percival and Leon sit down next to the three, exhaustion seemingly having caught up to all of them. "Well… us six, despite having died, are here now," Elyan says, picking at algae still clinging to his shoes. "But I don't know if that means only us are coming from the lake, or if maybe…" he glances at Arthur with a strangely nervous look in his eye, to which he has to wave him on. "Maybe," he starts again, "Mordred or Merlin will come back too."

Arthur scrunches his face and frowns. "Well, Mordred, I would hope he doesn't come back. I didn't return with my sword like you lot, and I wouldn't have much to defend myself with if he did. But Merlin, he didn't die." Percival and Leon share a confused look. "What do you mean, sire? He didn't die alongside you?" Leon seems a bit pale when asking. "Of course he didn't, he tried his hardest to save me, but he didn't die," Arthur says slowly, like he was explaining to a child.

"Sire, with all due respect… he must have died on his way back to Camelot," Percival almost mumbles, as if nervous to say so. "Leon and I lived many years after your death, and…" he shares another glance with the First Knight. It's this that finally breaks Arthur's composure, the insanity of the day having gotten to him. "What, Percival? What happened to him? Just say it!" he yells, catching even Lancelot's attention from the other end of the shore. The gentle giant takes a deep breath, and sighs. "Arthur, Merlin never came back to Camelot. Never. All that we ever knew came from a note attached to a horse."

*

Hours passed before the five knights and king decided that there was nothing more they could do at the lake. It was clear that no one else ( _MerlinMordredMorgana_ ) was going to rise from the lake, which twisted at all of their hearts, but what else were they to assume? The sun had gone from high noon to nearly sun down, and they had no gear to reasonably settle in the forest.

Traversing the forest was… strange. It seemed empty, yet inhabited, with clear pathways carved into the grass and what even looked like stone steps where the ground was uneven. Long chairs and metal barrels were few and far in between, but their presence loomed in Arthur's mind nonetheless. He's walked through this forest multiple times throughout his life, and never has he seen anything like this. Just how long had he been dead for?

"Camelot certainly got an upgrade since we've been gone," Gwaine mumbles from beside Lancelot and Percival.

"These paths and metal chairs are definitely worn and old," Elyan seems dead set on inspecting every single metal object they pass by, though thankfully Leon is able to drag him onwards before he gets too carried away. "How long do you think we've been dead for?"

"Well, Percival died before me, which was probably 3 years after Arthur's death, and I died another 5 years after that from protecting the Queen," Leon says, still tugging on the blacksmith's tunic. "Sure, but even then, I've seen nothing like this before. This metalwork is beyond anything I've ever seen before, and I studied the hell out of blacksmithing techniques!" "Maybe Guinevere found some blacksmiths who are studying new methods?" Percival tiredly offers. Lancelot is thankfully yet still oddly quiet, inspecting the path before them.

Gwaine suddenly sticks an arm out in front of the knights and points to their left. "Look, there's a bunch of potted flowers and lights on that pathway. Should we follow it?" "We might find someone who can help us locate the Queen if we do," Leon says, rubbing his beard, but adds "There's also the possibility we run into an enemy." "We don't have much choice, though. The sun is down, these strange torches are the only guide we have," Arthur mutters, already turning to walk down the lit path. As curious as he was about the weird contained lights, (he suspects some sort of magic contraption invented after his death) he did not have the energy to inspect everything like Elyan did.

The walk down the path is quiet this time, none of the knights quite willing to fill it with chatter or introspection. Arthur isn't sure how long they walked along the twisting curving path before the trees opened up, and a field appears before them. A tall but quaint home sits in its center, surrounded by plants and flowers. Odd floating lights and tall torches speckled the clearing, as well as wildlife and bugs.

"Magic," Arthur breathes, not quite believing the sight in front of him. "This is…" Gwaine trails off, moving forward to touch a floating light. "Beautiful," Lancelot finishes for him, speaking for the first time since the shore of Avalon. The knights look over curiously at him, not expecting his response. He shrugs, "I've never hated magic, I just, just never said anything. I figured not all magic could be evil…" he looks off to the side, not wanting to meet their eyes. Arthur supposed he can't blame him, considering their rather rude reaction to him upon meeting.

"We should knock on the door. Maybe whoever is inside can help us, maybe even give us shelter?" Leon changes topics, already ushering the Round Table Knights forward. Arthur takes the lead, and walks up to this strange house. The front has a lifted landing he's never seen before, and strange trinkets were scattered across the wooden flooring. Arthur offhandedly thinks that perhaps the old Morgana would appreciate one of the small angel statues standing guard next to the front door.

"Sire?" Leon's voice takes Arthur out of his thoughts, and he nods to his knight. "I guess... I'll knock." Taking a breath (why is he nervous?) he knocks his trembling fist firmly and loudly against the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter, hopefully the next one comes out sooner since it has the big buildup I've already got written up, and starts answering the questions you may have :) hopefully I haven't forgotten any important details leading up to it, I know sometimes I can get so excited while writing, I may not explain myself well enough ^^" feel free to pester me with any questions if it seems like something is missing.  
> Thank you for the comments on the last chapter!


	3. Exile/Vilify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** _descriptions of nervous breakdown, brief mentions of suicide, gratuitous use of emphasis._

After knocking on the door several times, Arthur was beginning to lose hope that anyone was even home. Gwaine had already taken it upon himself to plop down on the white wooden stairs leading up to the door, effectively cutting off Elyan from being able to climb up the rest of the way like the others. "Arthur, maybe there's another door we can go to?" Leon proposes as he taps a dangling pipe trinket that chimes every time it hits itself. "Maybe, but we don't exactly have enough light or energy to go looking around… and imagine there _is_ someone home, they may just freak out seeing six sopping wet men walking around their yard," Percival groans from the side.

"Besides, there are lights on inside, there _has_ to be someone here. That or they're just suicidal, leaving an open flame in their empty home," Arthur adds, knocking loudly again. "That would be our luck, rising from the dead and encountering a suicidal stranger, wouldn't it?" Gwaine mutters, kicking at Elyan's knees, who kicks back at his shins. "Gwaine if you kick me one more time, I will shove your sopping wet sock down your-"

"Is it the girl guides? If you girls are here, first of all, you're really dedicated-'' a voice suddenly comes from behind the door, making the knights jump. There's strange clicking noises as they continue, "-for coming all the way out, second off, it's really late, shouldn't you be in bed? Unless your parents are making you, in which case I'll take a Savannah Smiles and two Thin Mints…" the door finally swings open and- "By the gods," Percival says.

By all means, the man standing behind the door looked like a stranger, and yet was still the same exact man as since Arthur last saw him. He could never forget those blue and gold eyes of his, not in his life.

"Merlin!" Gwaine wastes no time in pleasantries or greetings, instead shooting off the stairs and sweeping the warlock into his arms. Merlin's face is obscured by his friend's shoulder, but it was easy to see that he has stiffened up, and his arms are frozen in an aborted upwards position. Gwaine pays no mind to this, and simply squeezes him tighter.

"Oh gods, we were so worried, Merlin, _Merlin_ …" he mumbles rubbing his hands up and down his back. The older man finally releases the younger, but keeps his hands clasped on his shoulders, and his face is finally visible.

It certainly was not at all what any of them expected. Sheet white, sweat beading his forehead, his eyes were blown wide and pupils the size of pin pricks. If Arthur didn't know any better, he'd say Merlin looks almost _afraid._ Lancelot pushes Gwaine out of the way to pull him to his chest, and Arthur feels a bout of anger and protectiveness rise in his chest.

"Merlin, my gods," Lance breathes, a hand moving to the back of his inky black curls. "It's alright now, we're all here now." The words are choked, as if he's close to crying. _'I'll make Lancelot cry,'_ is all he can think before prying the man off his manservant. He ignores the upset look in the man's eyes, and instead grasps Merlin's shoulders to look him in the eyes.

"Merlin…" Arthur mumbles, fingers squeezing in what he hopes is a comforting fashion. Merlin's face has morphed from its white pallor into something strange and blank, maybe he's confused? "Merlin, we thought you were dead, I…" the king gulps, hoping the tremble in his voice was not as noticeable to the knights as it was to him. "Thank gods you're alive!" is all else he can get out without choking, and he pulls Merlin into a hug.

At least, he tried to. The moment his hands touched Arthur's chest, Merlin shoved him back with a force he didn't know the warlock had. He stumbles back, Leon having to catch him from falling back on the stairs. "Merlin-" "Don't touch me." 

It was very rare Arthur heard Merlin's voice become this serious and dark. "Wh- Merlin, what in the world-" Gwaine tries to reach out, but Merlin just slaps his hand away.

"No. No, no, _NO._ You, you don't get to do this. You don't get to do this!" His voice raises in both volume and octave, and a small shake is prominent. Lancelot tries this time to calm him, raising his hands in a placating manner. "Merlin, let's take a breath, okay? What's happening right n-" "Oh, shut _up_ Lancelot, I, I don't need this right now." The knight does, in fact, shut up immediately, shock and hurt taking over his face. Not even Arthur's resentment towards him made the interaction enjoyable, as Merlin started rocking back in his doorframe, breathing heavily. His fingernails scrap against the wood, and Arthur winces when the tips turn white from bending and scrapping.

"This is- I can't believe you. I can't _believe_ you! I- I've waited YEARS for you, ANY of you! And now, _NOW_ you come? Right when I- when I-!" One of his hands shoot to his hair and tug painfully. The tips of his nails are jagged now from breaking on the door, and they can see specklings of blood from the fresh cuts on his scalp. Arthur reaches forward to try and pull it out, but is slapped away again.

"Don't _fucking_ touch me, Arthur! Don't touch me!" Merlin shakes his head, and steps further back into the door. The knights look at each other, confused and terrified of his wrath. "I gave up! I finally gave up! I thought- why would I keep praying for you? Why would I hold onto hope for you when I knew, I _knew-_ " he chokes for a moment, and the hand not clutching his hair flies to his throat. "No, no, you know what? Screw you. Screw _you,_ Arthur Pendragon, _screw all of you!_ "

He squeezes his eyes shut, gasping, and turns his back to them. "I don't, I don't care anymore. None of this! I don't care! You…" Arthur shivers when Merlin looks over his shoulder into his eyes, a dark glare piercing his soul.

"You lot can go back to the lake and _**drown**_ for all I care."

With that last venomous sentence, his hand shoots out and slams the front door. Whatever force he puts into it is so powerful that the door bangs into its frame and almost immediately flies back open and smacks the inner wall. Merlin doesn’t turn around however, and the 5 knights and king watch as he retreats into the darkness of his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
> **Reupload cause idk how ao3 works apparently**  
>  _
> 
> Soooo... welcome to the story, Merlin! Yes, his first lines are about Girl Scouts (edit: today was the day I found out Girl Scouts are called Girl Guides in the UK) and his last (of the chapter) are of him telling his friends to go die, whoops.
> 
> Seriously though, for this story, I decided to take the more angsty "Merlin is mentally unstable after being immortal for over 1500 years" route, so please be careful throughout this story if this sort of content triggers you.
> 
> **Slight spoilers for future story content:**
> 
> It will not always be like this! This is a kind of recovery fix it fic? That is to say, Merlin will not magically become NOT mentally ill, however he is not going to be going through this alone. All of this considered, this fic is going to be mostly GEN. There is going to be hints at ships and more than likely even a scene or two, but I don't really feel a recovery fic is an appropriate place for new found relationships. Merlin is ill and doesn't need a romantic partner, he needs a friend. I'm sorry if this turns anyone off from this story!
> 
> Second off, I'm so sorry about the Lancelot hate rn 😭 I promise you, it will end soon! Arthur is (reasonably) angry with him right now because he has not learned about the Shade, and because of the chaos happening, Lancelot hasn't gotten the chance to learn about the incident and defend himself. Lance WILL get the chance to stand up for himself!


	4. Mercy/Gatekeeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Note:** there will be a few points at the end, as well as for the rest of the fic when words will be said that the Round Table Knights do not understand. This is just because they are used to Old English, not modern English, as well as its slang and terms, which is what [spoiler?] and Merlin do mostly speak. The words will first be noted by the knights, and eventually will be replaced with ---. Just a heads up!

Gwaine slaps his arm. "Damn it!" "Gwaine, stop hitting yourself," Percival sighs, hunching further into himself. Gwaine flicks his hands up in the air, batting uselessly. "I'm not hitting myself. This- _stupid_ bug keeps biting me!" "You batting at it is just going to make it angrier. And I'm _really_ not in the mood to see you flailing about." "Oh, I'm _sorry_ Percy," he says in a deeply mocking tone, rolling his entire body with his eyes. "Would you like me to tell the bugs we are having serious quiet time right now? I'm sure once they hear how we are all upset and sad right now, they'll _definitely_ leave me alone, because they _absolutely_ understand the human language!"

"Enough, you two," Lancelot groans, pressing his hands tighter around his temples.

The knights had been sitting outside in the dark for about an hour now, not willing to enter Merlin's home after his display of rage. Lancelot and Gwaine had wanted to follow after him, as his door was still open, but a strange force at the door made them reconsider. Not only were they still outside, they were still in their wet clothes and heavy armor not taken off when they surfaced. Sure the lights were still on, but the floating orbs had disappeared, and the beautiful wildlife and butterflies had gone quiet, leaving only the god awful blood sucking bugs behind.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Elyan asks, scratching at the back of his leg. "Merlin definitely doesn't want to see us right now… does that mean he never wants to see us again?" The question puts a rock in Arthur's stomach, so he vehemently shakes his head. "No, no, he must just have… I don't know, been freaked out. If what Leon said earlier is true, all of us have been dead for at least 8 years, he probably is just scared or something."

"I don't know, sire… he sounded pretty serious when he told us to go drown. Even when he'd been upset with us in the past, he had never said anything hurtful like that with so much force," Leon pointed out, smacking Gwaine's knee. "Damnit, Leon! … oh hell, you got the nasty bugger!" 

"Gwaine, shut up about the bug," Percival snaps again, making the long haired man twist towards him again. "Guys," Elyan softly interrupts, though they ignore him. "Keep arguing with me and I'll squish you like the damned bug." "Guys." "You're half my size, you pillock!" "And you're filled out like a bumbling ogre, I could outspeed you anytime!" "You-"

"Shut up, you two, and look over there!" All the knights' attention swung over to where Elyan was pointing, and the argument dropped. At the end of the clearing, a strangely shaped metal box was stopped in the middle of a rocky path. A figure was rapidly exiting said box, and approaching them. They stood up, ready to defend themselves if so needed.

"Oh my gods… it's really you!"

Arthur's heart clenched, and he felt his throat tighten up. Immediately his hand flew to his pommel, except there was no sword to be found. _'Damn it,'_ he forgot, he must have taken it off in his attempt to get to the surface of the lake. Thankfully his knights all seemed to have their own handy, and all immediately pointed their swords at her.

Morgana stopped dead in her tracks just before the porch, and put her palms face forward. "Whoa," she breathed, and took a small step back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you all. I don't mean any harm." "What in the bloody hell?" Arthur asks, still not quite believing his eyes.

His sister, like Merlin, looked both like a stranger and a still familiar face. Her hair was no longer the matted mess Arthur had unfortunately come to associate her with, instead was beautiful like it once was before, but wavy instead of straight. The clothes she wore… if he wasn't so afraid of needing to fight her, he'd probably blush at how scandalous her skirt length and dip of her strange tunic was.

"I know you have no reason to trust me-" "Of course we don't! You killed half of us!" Gwaine spits, cutting her off. "I- I know, and I know there is nothing I can do to make you forgive me! But I promise you, I'm not here to hurt any of you!" "You're a _sorceress,_ Morgana, and your hands are up. You've killed countless of our people, how are we to believe you mean no harm?" Leon asks, lifting his sword higher, taking aim at her throat.

Morgana's hands slowly moved down to her sides, as to prove her intentions. "I know. I know… and I'm sorry. Again, I know you have no reason to trust me. But I'm here because… because…" her eyes flicked to the house behind them, then back to Arthur. "Merlin didn't invite you inside?"

"You know Merlin is here?" Lancelot asks, eyes squinting in confusion. "Of course I do. Merlin helped me when I came out of the lake, too." The knights blinked. "You came out the- when did you come out of the lake?" Arthur's head is spinning. Of course she came out of the lake, is he daft? But everything is happening so fast, his head hurts trying to keep up with everything.

"Yes, I came out of the lake too. Maybe- 7 years ago?" "That's not possible," Percival growls, shaking his head. "Me and Leon would have known if you rose again, Arthur died only 8 years ago-" The priestess shakes her head. "Gods, Merlin really didn't tell you anything? He just... left you out in the dark and nothing to go off of?" Morgana takes her eyes off the 6 to glare up at the house. "No, why am I surprised? He's always like this. Look, can I at least show you guys inside? I swear, on my sister's grave-"

"The same sister that opened the veil and killed thousands of innocent people, including Lancelot?" Elyan deadpans. She winces. "I… yes, that sister. But I truly do still love her and care for her, even if she did misguide me. I swear on her grave, I won't hurt any of you. Merlin wouldn't allow it, even if I wanted to." "Merlin seemed pretty content with us dying, just earlier," Gwaine mumbles.

"What? … oh, nevermind that. Come on, I can take away the invitation spell at the door. I have no clue why he wouldn't do it himself, but whatever." With that said, she pushes past the knights and waves her hand at the door. And just like that, the strange force emitting from the door disappeared. Morgana looks over her shoulder at Arthur. Arthur sucks in a breath. Her eyes, though they still held the same haunted look they always had after her betrayal, almost looked just as they had before… before that night when her room set fire.

"Merlin won't mind you all coming in. I don't know why he didn't take away the barrier, but I'm sure he intended on you lot taking shelter here. The door _is_ still open, after all. I can get you food and water and, erm, dry clothes too, I guess."

*

The knights sat uncomfortably in their newly acquired strange dry clothes, in the too soft too comfortable seating, in what Morgana had called the living room. Gwaine had thought it a sick joke, but she had just given him a strange look that implied she really was telling the truth about the room's name. Morgana, in the meantime, was floating multiple teacups around her as she walked back into the 'living room,' as well as holding an armful of what seemed to be weirdly packaged, weirdly cut bread. "Merlin is an imbecile and hasn't gone grocery shopping in a while I suppose, so this is all I have readily available for you all right now, sorry." Though she magics all the cups and pieces of bread to each knight, none of them drink or eat. She sighs, but walks to sit in a lone armchair that looked way too fluffy to be stable.

"So... you think it's been 8 years since Arthur's death." "Has it not been that long?" Lance asks, as if he actually believed her. "No, it… it's been much longer. Much, much longer." "How long?" "You wouldn't believe me if I was the one who told you," she sighed, brushing her hair out of her face and taking a sip from her cup. "No, we probably wouldn't," Arthur grimly confirms, poking his bread. Instead of arguing like she normally would, Morgana just sadly nods.

"I get it, I do. I… I wasn't exactly a good person, last time you all saw me. As Sir Gwaine said I did… kill half of you. Though technically, in my awfully thin defense, I wasn't directly responsible for Lancelot and Arthur's death." The king just rolls her eyes. Of course there was still enough of his old sister in there for her to argue _that_. "Um, gods, what can I reasonably tell you…" Morgana scratches the side of her head with a long pointed nail-

"What are you wearing? It's... not fit for a lady," Arthur blurts out. Her eyes flick over to him, and her dark painted lips pressed together. "Normally if anyone else said that to me, I'd throw something at them. But because you've been gone so long, I'll have mercy on you." She gives a tug on her skirt, and the knights briefly avert their eyes. "Oh, stop it. This is just the one of the many fashions people wear these days. Merlin would probably call me a-" she says something in a language they don't understand. "What?" Leon asks for them. "Er, sorry, there's no real word for it in Old English. Not that you'd appreciate the name in the first place," she laughs to herself.

"Anyways, as time moved on, since you all died, more and more people became more ---" she says another word they don't understand, but moves on before they could ask, "- in what women can wear out in public… or rather, women started fighting for the rights to wear stuff like this in public without it being seen as inherently --." She proudly smiles for herself and crosses a leg over her knee, once again making the men turn their eyes away. "Ugh, you all are utter ---, still. Just deal with it!" "Utter what?" Gwaine asks, squinting at her. "Oh, uh-" 

Morgana blushes, and taps her nose with the point of her nail. "---. Erm, just think of it as a worse word than buffoon, sorry." "You know, Morgana, we still are extremely wary of you, insulting us doesn't help your case," Arthur sneers, rolling his eyes. His sister scoffs and shakes her head. "Well you certainly don't seem as hostile as you were before!" "Should we be?" "No, I told you before, I-!"

Morgana suddenly cuts herself off, sitting up stark straight. "Oh gods-" "Morgana?" "Damn it, _MERLIN!_ " Without explanation for her shout, she jumps up, and sprints out the living room to where the front door was. "Shit! Do we follow her?" Elyan panics, standing as well. "We can't just let her wander off alone, who knows what she'll do," Leon agrees, his sword at the ready. "I'll stay here, with Merlin. Just in case," Gwaine nods as well, sheathing his own sword. 

Arthur nods to him, and waves his knights on. "Alright men, let's hurry after her!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lady Morgana 🥰
> 
> So yeah, Morgana is here as well! She seems very aware of Merlin's habits, hm? 
> 
> For anyone curious about what Merlin would describe Morgana's fashion as, she said **big titty goth girl** , haha.
> 
> As for what she called the knights when she crossed her legs, she basically just called them **simps**. In case you didnt know, the 'ladylike' way to cross your legs is to actually cross your ankles. This is because in traditional long skirts, crossing your legs at the knee tended to give the skirt a weird tent, and also, more expectantly, crossing your legs at the knees in a short skirt can be seen as pretty distracting/scandalous. I picture Morgana's skirt to hit about mid thigh, so obviously the Knights were a bit flustered at the sight of her crossing her legs at the knees.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
>  **Edit 11/21:** As per request from a commenter, I'll be adding quick translations for what 'new' words Merlin and Morgana say that the Knights+Gwen dont understand :) again, these are just words I think would more than likely not have an Old English translation (yes I know there were probably a few last chapter but I introduced it this chapter so oops) or I just think have a bit of comedic value.
> 
> Morgana: "Merlin would probably call me a **big titty goth girl**."  
> Morgana: "... more and more people became more **progressive**... without it being seen as inherently **erotic**."  
> Morgana: "Ugh, you all are utter **simps**."


	5. Love It Dissapates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait for this chapter, the short story is that I for some reason got caught up writing later chapters rather than this one? Idk but uh, not going to lie to you guys, this is most likely gonna be edited or something later, because I don't really like how everyone is characterized by the end. It's extremely hard to control 9 characters, especially when at least half of them definitely have things to say most of the time, and also because of they are under such extreme stress right now. So bear with this chapter, the next one is going to be out much faster and better characterization.

Morgana, thankfully, was relatively easy to find. There must not be dangerous people in the woods for her to leave tracks so openly, to storm about so loudly. The knights find her standing in the shallows of the Avalon Lake, her shoes thrown off in the sand. In the middle of the lake, once again, bubbles were forming.

"What?" Arthur gasped, jogging up next to her. "Who else is coming back??" "I don't know. All I can feel is when the Lady calls for me, but I never know what for," Morgana whispers. "The Lady?" "That's not important. Look!" She points to where the bubbles are becoming more and more violent. Suddenly, they see a dark hand shoot up out of the water and hear a distant gasp. "Oh my god, is that-?!" Elyan chokes, stepping forward towards the water, but Lancelot is already stripping off his armor and sprinting into the deep.

The knights and Priestess all stare in bated breath as Lance swims out as fast as he possibly can to the drowning figure, who had begun flailing and bobbing. Arthur may hold resentment towards him, but in the moment, all he can hope for is the knight's and the other's safe return. Both Lance and the figure briefly dip under the water, but emerge just as quickly. A puff of relief leaves Arthur's chest when he sees Lancelot swimming backwards, the person floated on his chest. _'Good,' he thinks, 'I don't have to worry about that arse anymore.'_

But any relief and contentment quickly washed away when he realized just who was floating on Lance's chest. "Oh my gods!" Arthur and Elyan both sprinted farther into the shallows, reaching out to grab the two. Arthur can't quite find it in himself to snub Elyan of grabbing his apparently-dead-but-also-not sister, and contented himself with hauling Lancelot up.

Elyan quickly drags Guinevere into the sand and flips her face down while she chokes on the lake water, and pulls the wet tangles out of her face and mouth. "Gwen! Oh god Gwen, you're okay, just breathe!" he frets, holding the hair above her head. Arthur drops his knight's arms to run over to the siblings and help Elyan by tugging the voluminous dress off her neck and excess fabric off her chest so she can properly breath, but something seems to have entered her mouth and blocked her airway with the way a hand gripped at her throat.

"Let me!"

Arthur and Elyan jump at the sound of Morgana suddenly appearing at their side, kneeling next to Gwen's head. She's started to lift her hand already, but Arthur's own shoots out to grab her wrist. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" "She's choking, and I can help her!" she says in an indignant tone, eyes flushed with anger. "You are not using magic on my wife! Especially not you!" "Damn it, Arthur, now is not the time to be an ignorant ---! Do you want her to die AGAIN?? I told you I have no intentions to hurt any of you, now let me help her!"

Morgana doesn't wait for an answer, just rips her arm away from his grip, and places it on Gwen's shoulder. Elyan and Arthur's gaze meet, both wide eyed and fearful. The priestess' eyes glow gold, a terrifying sight to see after a little less than a decade of terror from her. Shockingly though, Gwen doesn't start foaming at the mouth, or writhing in pain and whatever spell Morgana is mumbling, and instead, a sharp deep hack sends a hunk of seaweed and algae flying from the back of her throat and onto the sands below. A long inhale follows this, and immediately after Guinevere collapses against Elyan. "Gwen!"

The queen shivers in her brother's arms, gasping and whimpering from what had to be a painful throat after all that. Arthur leans over to gently grasp her shoulder and squeeze. "You're alright, everything's alright-"

With a greatly unexpected surge of energy, Guinevere shoots back up, falling back on her rear. She stares at Arthur and Elyan in confusion and very thinly veiled horror. "Wh- wh wh-wha," she babbles, eyes flicking back and forth, eventually looking behind the two and evidently spotting the soaking wet Lancelot and Morgana if her eyes were anything to go by. "Ar- Elya- Lance- wha‐" she continues to choke, mouth gaped.

Leon moves in from behind the four, prompting a raspy squawk from her, and raises placating hands. "Everything is alright now, Your Majesty. I know it's all... hard to process-" _"Hard to process??"_ she cries out, finally finding her words. "I- I- Oh my gods!" Within seconds her mood flips, and she throws herself at Arthur and her brother.

"What is happening? I thought- I mean, you were! But, but you're, and I, I-" she tries to ask, but instead her voice ends up breaking mid sentence. "I know Gwen, I know," Arthur whispers into her neck, squeezing her gently at the waist. Elyan strokes her back soothingly. "I… I've lived so long without you…! Oh my gods… I- I've missed you so much.." she finally begins sobbing, tugging the two men closer to her.

Everyone averts their eyes to give the three the privacy they deserved, and pretends not to be listening to anything they were saying. It's a surprisingly short heart-to-heart(to-heart) but, upon the trio standing, the fear in Gwen's eyes when looking towards Morgana answers why. "You saved me," she nervously says, and her eyes briefly flicker to Lancelot before immediately flying back to the Priestess.

Morgana crosses her arms, and tilts her head down a bit in an attempt to seem docile. "I… yeah." "Why? You've tried killing me countless times before!" She opens her mouth, but no words come out. "It's a bit of a long story that's only growing longer and longer unfortunately, my lady," Percival jumps in, a sigh on his breath. She startles and turns to him, seemingly about to ask something, but then visibly reconsiders.

"We should head back to Merlin's home, since half of us are wet again and still tired from earlier," Lancelot changes the topic, worry evident in his voice. Gwen's head shoots up. "Merlin? Merlin is okay?" she asks breathlessly and a hopeful look in her eye, but then seems to realize who she's looking at and looks back down. "Yes, he is in a house with Gwaine not far from here," Arthur nods, not so subtly placing himself between the knight and his wife. Lancelot tries not to bristle at all the evident hostility everyone, minus Morgana ironically, is feeling towards him.

"Gwaine…" Gwen murmurs, eyes softening and a weary smile finally gracing her face. "It's all of us… all of us are here…" she says, a soft reverent passion in her voice. Elyan squeezes her shoulder with a smile.

*

The walk back to Merlin's house is shorter with Morgana leading them, as well as since they know the way now. It was weird for them to trust Morgana enough to follow her, but she had proven a few times already that she didn't intend harm, and she did seem to at least be telling the truth about being around Merlin a while. Gwen was very hesitant even still, but the knights just promised her their swords were staying unsheathed as long as the Priestess was around.

They were surprised when they entered Merlin's home and saw Gwaine standing at the end of the hallway, looking upwards. "Gwaine!" Gwen laughs, attracting his attention. "Gwen!" he grins back, offering out his arms. She glides over, gladly accepting the offered out hug. "So you really did come back! Glad to know it's not just us sweaty knights here," he jokes with her, gently patting her back. "I resent that," Percival mutters under his breath, following behind everyone towards the two. "This is all so confusing. I- I don't even know how to react or respond to any of this anymore," Gwen nervously titters. "That makes nine of us."

Everyone's attention turned upwards to see-

"Merlin!" Lancelot and Gwen cry out, relief sagging their forms. The previously angry man was at the top of a staircase, leaning against the rails with his arms crossed. The Queen clasps her hands together and stares up at the man with something akin to grief and solace in her eye. "Merlin and I have been talking while you were all gone," Gwaine carefully informs the rest, waving a hand towards the warlock. "He, uh, had some very interesting things to say."

"My having magic being one of them," Merlin nonchalantly confirms. Lancelot, Percival, Leon, and Elyan all flinch, the former at the sudden confession rather than shock. "Magic? You have magic??" Leon cries. "Always have, was born with it. Is that a problem?" "Well, no, it was legalized sometime after Arthur's… passing, but- you? With magic?" "Actually, thinking back on everything, I'm not that surprised," Percival surmises. "Trees don't drop branches at all anymore after Camlann."

"This is all well and good conversation," Morgana cuts in, lips pursed between words, "but frankly, it's 11 at night and half of you are soaking wet again. I doubt Merlin will let me sleep until everyone is settled in so…" she turns upwards to the warlock. "Just get them some dry clothes," he waves her off, his strange anger having apparently not disappeared like the knights had hoped it had. "Wh- Merlin they're soaked to the bone! They could get sick!" "There's plenty of towels and blankets for them," he huffs, evidently not convinced of their plight, however his gaze lingered on Guinevere.

She did look a bit miserable, her normally well groomed curls plastered on her face and neck and a general mess down her back, and he spies tiny trembles only evident by the small hanging embellishments on her dress swaying more than usual. He sighs, and waves at her. "Oh alright. Gwen, come up here."

She blinks, surprised at being addressed, but does lift the heavy from water dress and ascend the stairs. "What about everyone else?" Morgana gripes in defense of the knights. Merlin groans, and flicks a hand out. Rather violently, a random warm gust surrounds the wet men, ruffling their suddenly dry hair and dry clothes. Gwaine openly laughs at Lancelot's head of curls having turned into something akin to an afro.

"You aren't going to do that to me, are you?" Gwen nervously asks, turning her head to the warlock. Shockingly, he gives her a genuine smile. "No, I have better ways to help you clean up. There's just too many of you to get through tonight." "---!" Morgana yells from the bottom floor, Merlin openly ignoring her to take Gwen's hand and lead her down the upstairs hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Merlin did basically just violently blowdry them within a matter of seconds, I thought the image of the knights fluffed up like ruffled chicks was too funny for me to pass up.
> 
> So as I said at the beginning, I dont really care for this characterization this chapter, like at all.  
> I do believe Gwen would be utterly confused at the sight of everyone she knew being dead, including her husband, ex lover, and (im)mortal enemy, suddenly sitting in front of her, but I also had to make sure she properly reacted to seeing her loved ones again.  
> I also didnt think there should be a premature explanation of what's happening, either, as neither Gwaine nor Merlin (who are both important) were present for anything. Merlin is still properly upset at his friends for reasons, but he is also still concerned for their well being, and Morgana is still Morgana, so she has things to say about his reacting...
> 
> tl;dr, it is very hard to realistically control nine characters with wide arrays of personalities who all have something to say when they are all under extreme duress in a completely different time period. 
> 
> It may be because this interaction wasnt as planned out as other scenes are, it may just be because there are too many characters in one scene right now, who knows. Again, I'll more than likely redo this chapter for my own sanity, and I'll be sure to let yall know when I do!
> 
> **Edit 11/21:** As per request from a commenter, I'll be adding quick translations for what 'new' words Merlin and Morgana say that the Knights+Gwen dont understand :) again, these are just words I think would more than likely not have an Old English translation (yes I know there were probably a few last chapter but I introduced it this chapter so oops) or I just think have a bit of comedic value.
> 
> Morgana: "...now is not the the time to be an ignorant **asshole**!"  
> Morgana: " **Dickhead**!"


	6. Tether

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mentions of undressing and nudity.
> 
> **Quick but important warning:**  
>  I am white with mostly straight hair. I say this because I wrote a scene here where Merlin tries to help Gwen clean her hair while talking to her. I wanted to let you all know I did a little bit of research on curly/kinky hair and know that what I've written is not what any person with natural hair would probably do, but I thought that since she has just revived and nearly drowned, she probably wouldn't want to spend upwards 2 hours (from what videos I've seen) trying to fully take care of her hair. So I instead wrote Merlin trying to be gentle with her natural hair but still be quick. I write "a tangled mess" to imply her hair is messy from being wet from the lake water and not being brushed or dried after surfacing. I'm really sorry if I've written anything wrong or possibly offensive, I tried my best with what I had.

"This is… strange." "Strange? I thought you'd be ecstatic." "Oh, yes, don't get me wrong, this _is_ amazing! It's just… weird seeing it come from nowhere."

Gwen gestured to the faucet pouring out the last of the water, a somewhat helpless look upon her face. Merlin laughed at her. "It's not coming from nowhere, there are pipes that bring the water to here!" "But how does it move? And where are these pipes? Where is the water source??" "Now is not the day you want to be learning these things," he simply says, an amused smile still upon his face. He stands, and makes a show of brushing himself off. "You don't need a servant to help you bath, do you? I assume you still know how to clean yourself," he jokes, not looking at her.

However, when she doesn't respond, he looks up to see a slightly distressed look in her eyes. "Oh- I'm sorry-" "No no, you're right, I do know how to clean up myself, it's just-" she bites her lip and stares at the still filling tub. "I shouldn't have joked about that, I just- forgot, I guess. It's weird, people not knowing how today's --- works." "Sorry," she whispers as he leans over to turn off the running water.

"It's not your fault, Gwen. But I'm not really sure how we should do this, the tub isn't as deep as Camelot's baths, and there's not really much room for you to turn on your side," Merlin rambles a bit while he turns to a cabinet under- _'What did he call it… a sink?'_ Gwen thinks. "I trust you, Merlin." He startles, nearly dropping odd containers from his hands, and looks at her.

"I… right. Thank you."

With newfound permission, Merlin helps her slip out of the large gown and undergarments, only looking with total respect the entire time as she undresses. Casting the wet clothes aside, he helps her sit in the tub. Gwen audibly sighs at the warmth of the water, prompting a smile from the warlock.

"Now, while I would help you properly clean up, I highly doubt you'd like to sit through hours of care, so instead I'll just help you do the minimum for right now," he says, picking up one of the containers. "This is Morgana's stuff, not exactly for your hair type, but it's the closest thing I've got on hand. I'll be sure to send her out to find something for your hair later."

"There's different cleaners for different hair?" "Oh yeah, definitely. It wasn't really a big deal back in Camelot, but hair care today, especially for natural hair, is important. Using the right shampoo and conditioner is essential for healthy hair." Merlin gently begins running his fingers through the tangled mess on her head. She nods, and closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling of her friend's fingers in her hair. It's oddly intimate, something she once thought only Arthur and her family should achieve, but feeling the utter care and respect Merlin has for her makes her think it's not so bad having a friend help her in this vulnerable state.

A sadness passes over her the same moment Merlin pours warm water down her neck.

"Why did you leave me?" He pauses, cup half in the water. "I…" "After Arthur died, it was just Percival, Leon, and me. Gaius, he was an old man already, he- he passed a year after from age and heartbreak," she croaks, pulling her knees closer to her chest. There is visible sadness in Merlin's eye at this, but he slowly continues washing her hair.

"It's- complicated, Gwen." "I needed you."

Merlin sets the cup down, the noise deafening amongst their whispers. "I know... I know." His eyes squeeze shut, and he hangs his head. Gwen reaches over to hold his arm, unconcerned about wetting it. "Merlin…" he opens his eyes to look at her, the pain in them overbearing. "I'm so sorry, Guinevere. I wish there was anything I could tell you to fix things. But if I was to be honest? There's nothing." He cynically laughs at himself, running a hand over his face.

"If anything… I was selfish. Grieving, yes, but after so long, it just became terribly selfish," he answers, a tremble to his voice. Gwen's grip tightens on his arm, but doesn't dispute him. "I… received news from someone, right after Arthur died. It… it broke me, Guinevere," he chokes out. If she wasn't completely naked at the moment, she'd pull him into a hug. "Let's talk about this after, okay?" she offers quietly. Merlin nods.

The rest of the bath passed by not awkwardly, but still at unease. Merlin did his best at shampooing Gwen's hair, detangling between each wash in an attempt to bring it to a healthier state. In the end, he assumed she probably wouldn't want to sit through an hour of deep conditioning when she was already exhausted, and instead did one final conditioning before handing her a towel and draining the tub. While Gwen dried herself, Merlin briefly left for Morgana's room and grabbed night clothes.

"This towel is so soft!" Gwen says cheerfully when Merlin enters again, hugging the ends to her chest. "Here, put these on, and I'll help you dry your hair after," he hands her the clothes. She looks down at the clothes and blushes. "These… are these undergarments?" "Oh, yes, they're Morgana's. I'm sorry, I don't have any unused women's garments." "It's not that, just um… they're a bit small, aren't they?" she shyly asks. Merlin grimaces. "I'm sorry, Gwen. It's just how most undergarments are made these days. I got you the most modest I could find in Gana's room." Gwen murmurs the nickname under her breath, but nods to him. "Alright… um, I'm sorry to ask, but could you…?" "Of course."

It's not awkward for Merlin to help guide Gwen in putting on the new clothes, using magic to stretch or tighten any of the garments as she puts them on. She giggles while Merlin slips fuzzy long socks up her ankles. "These are so soft too! Is everything this soft these days?" "I go out of my way to choose comfort over functionality, if I'm being honest," Merlin laughs with her, helping her stand and leading her out of his bathroom.

The two take a seat on the duvet, and Gwen briefly marvels over the blues and greens of his room. It's very Merlin, her Merlin, still clean in the messiest way possible. Scattered papers on one side of a desk, opened leather books in a circle on the rug on the floor, laundry thrown haphazardly over the top of a chair... it tugs at her heart seeing her friend in every corner of this strange room she sits in.

"What news did you receive?" she asks. Merlin startles at the non-sequitur, but steels himself just as quickly. "Its… oh, Gwen, it was…." Gwen grabs his hand, and lets him entwine their fingers.

This was something she missed so badly in their last years together, their closeness they had lost once she became Queen. She almost regrets becoming a royal, knowing it was the biggest factor in the downfall between the two. If she could have married her love without becoming Queen, she'd gladly take that opportunity, but alas there was no other option that didn't include not being with Arthur, and she'd probably die before she ever considered not being with the love of her life.

"I'm not sure you'll believe me," he murmurs, shaking his head. 

"Tell me anyways," she assures, squeezing his hand. He sadly smiles at her. "I…" he squeezes his eyes shut, and takes a deep breath.

"You know I'm magic. A... a warlock, if you will. I was born with magic. Or rather, I AM Magic itself. When Arthur was born of magic, the universe had to balance itself out… thus, creating me. I was quite literally born to serve him," Merlin bitterly laughs to himself, and lowers his head. "Not that I was upset about that. I was more than happy to serve him until the day I died." "Was?" He laughed again. "Caught that? Yeah, was." He shakes his head, and tilts his head to stare at the ceiling.

"I tried my damndest to save Arthur. I begged the dragon, the Sidhe, hell, I begged the _gods_ to trade my life for his. But that's when I learned of my true destiny as Emrys." "Emrys…" Gwen rolls the name on her tongue. She remembers Percival telling her about the legends of the great Emrys. It made unfortunate sense for Merlin to be him. A sudden realization punched her in the gut. 

"Emrys is said to be immortal," she croaks out. Merlin lets out another laugh that sounds almost like a cry. "Yeah. Yeah." "Merlin… how long have you been alive?" The pain in his eyes brought tears to hers. "1524 years," he sobs.

"I've been alive 1524 years. I've been alone ever since Arthur died. I- I couldn't bear to see you or anyone else die so I- I… I left without a word. I knew you wouldn't let me go again if you saw me."

Gwen felt her heart shatter in her chest, and yanks him into her arms. "Oh, Merlin!" He buries his face into her chest, his fingers tightly gripping the back of the soft fabric of Morgana's shirt and Gwen's skin beneath it. He is distressingly quiet in his cries, distressingly still in his trembles, but there was no mistake in how hard he mourns from the streams of tears rolling down her skin. Guinevere presses a soothing kiss to his forehead. "It's okay, now, Merlin. We'll be okay now."

*

The knights seem relieved when the pair finally emerge from upstairs. "Oh, finally, I thought you fell in up there," Morgana teases Merlin, walking up to him to shove at his shoulder. He shrugs off her hand. "Sorry about the wait, everyone. Morgana, help me gather pillows and blankets." "Chivalry really is dead, isn't it," she sighs, but glides down the hallway while Merlin turns back to the Round Table. 

"Alright, everyone, here's the sleeping arrangements right now: there are three bedrooms, mine, Morgana's, and a guest bedroom. Morgana and I will be sleeping in our own rooms probably, unless you guys really want a bed, which leaves one big bed left. The rest of you can sleep in here, the --- and chairs are comfortable enough to rest in." "The King and Queen should have the extra room, then," Leon diplomatically says, nodding to Arthur. "Are you all sure?" He asks, uncomfortable with the suggestion, but his eyes looking over Gwen says he wants her to be comfortable together with her. Gwaine and Percival voice their agreements while Lancelot and Elyan nod theirs. 

Morgana comes back in, pillows and comforters in her arms and floating behind her, as well as a large block following on the ground. The two went about pulling out the bed frame in the couch, aweing everyone at the amazing invention. They were even more impressed at the 'magic inflating bed' Merlin blows up for them using the air pump, decidedly not magic, but he doesn't tell them that.

Percival and Gwaine ended up on the pull out bed, Elyan and Leon of the blowup, and Lancelot took up residence on the loveseat. Morgana led Gwen and Arthur up the stairs as Merlin wished a goodnight to the knights and went about turning off the lights. He met with the couple upstairs, seeing Morgana disappear into her own room at the end of the hall.

"Feel free to wake me up if you need anything, you two," Merlin says to them, a tired smile forced upon his face. "Don't do that," Arthur chastises him. Merlin blinks, confused. "Don't do what?" Arthur turns a bit red at the ears as if embarrassed, making Gwen giggle a bit. "Don't… pretend with me, alright? I… I care about you and want- want you to be- ergh, I want you to be Merlin with me," his voice cracks, still unused to verbally expressing affections. It's enough to prompt a genuine, but sad smile from him.

"I'll try," is all he can offer. Arthur can't meet his eyes after that, but nods and ducks into the guest room. Gwen takes a moment to hug Merlin again, whispering assurances and a good night to him before following after her husband, leaving the warlock alone in the dark hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I whole heartedly believe Gwen would trust Merlin enough to help her bathe, and that Arthur would understand (after a bit of convincing from her, anyways.)
> 
> Quick chapter update, technically two in one day lmao. Mostly because this one was already half written and way more planned out than last chapter, and also because I feel like I needed to make up for last chapter. 
> 
> In case it hasn't been made clear, or you haven't checked any comments or even the tags, a large portion of this fic is forgiving, learning to forgive, and asking for forgiveness. A lot of characters were given shit ends of the stick when they all deserved better than what the writers left them with. So this is my way of, I guess, fixing things?  
> This isnt quite a fix it fic, since basically everything in canon still happened in this fic, but it all still gets tied up in the end. I'll be trying to address as much as possible, such as Freya's death, the dragon's rampage, Mordred, Gwen's brainwashing... the works. I hope I meet any expectations you may have!
> 
> That is for reading!
> 
> **Edit 11/21:** As per request from a commenter, I'll be adding quick translations for what 'new' words Merlin and Morgana say that the Knights+Gwen dont understand :) again, these are just words I think would more than likely not have an Old English translation (yes I know there were probably a few the first 3 chapters but I introduced this in chapter 4 so oops) or I just think have a bit of comedic value.
> 
> (Ch 6 editing me, yeah, I realized there was no blurred words and theres def no way there wasnt a word that wasnt translatable so a couple got censored after a look through. I realize theres definitely more, but uhhh, it's a lot of heavy editing, so I'm just gonna probably take the loss)
> 
> Merlin: "It's weird, people not knowing how today's **technology** works.  
> Merlin: "... the **couch** and chairs are comfortable enough to rest in."


	7. Let Me Down Slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind this is still a mostly gen fic with all canon relationships still intact (aka Arwen) but I won't say my ship biases don't shine through a bit in this chapter. You can still read this as completely platonic, I wrote it this way with friendship in mind. If you see something, feel free to see it. If you don't, then they're just friends :)

Merlin studied stars for years, just out of pure curiosity and wonder, when NASA had been formed and confirmed the existence of millions of planets and stars and galaxies. He has learned numerous names, codes, scientific terms, and can tell you about each and every constellation there is. But to tell you the truth? He's never really been able to see any of them. Sure, he can locate the north star, but even if someone points out the collection of stars, he just doesn't see it. Despite this, he still loves to stargaze. Sometimes he'll spend hours just counting them, or making up his own constellations to feel better about his inabilities. He's even got a notebook full of them.

Lancelot finds him sitting at the balcony while he is 45 stars in. "Merlin?" He curses, and looks over at the man. "You made me lose count," he groans. "Lose count? Of the stars?" Lance asks slowly, eyes flicking up at the sky. "It's a good pastime." "Whatever you say, Merlin."

Lance takes a seat next to him, and wraps his arms under his knees. "Why are you awake still?" "This is my house. Why are _you_ still awake? Shouldn't you be exhausted from near drowning earlier?" Merlin counters, mimicking the knight's position. "I…" he trails off and looks down. "It's hard to sleep in there, I suppose."

"Used to a nice bed, are you? When we get the sleeping arrangements settled, I'll be sure to give you the most comfortable bed," Merlin pokes at him. Lance tries to smile, but it's as forced as it looks. "No, it's not that." He sighs, and rests his cheek down on his knees. 

"I think everyone hates me." 

Merlin tilts his head. "What makes you think that?" 

"Well… when he first washed up, I tried to greet Arthur… but he looked so angry when he saw me. He asked me to sit at the other end of the shore. I asked him why, but he just brushed me off. Everyone else wouldn't meet my eyes. And when Guinevere came, Arthur basically manhandled me off her when I tried to hug her… she wouldn't even look at me," he whispers, voice cracking and eyes glistening.

Merlin, throughout the explanation, felt his face morph more and more in horror. "Oh gods," he croaks. "What?" "You don't have any memories of the Shade, do you?" "The Shade?" Lance's eyebrows and nose scrunch, confirming his thoughts. "Wow... alright then. Uh, well, to start off, Lancelot, it's not your fault." "It sure feels like it," he grumbles under his breath, but nods Merlin on.

It's a hard tale to tell, detailing every horrid thing Morgana did to his body and against the King and Queen, made even harder as Merlin hated making things more difficult for Morgana's case. Lancelot had gone white as a sheet, stiller than a dead man at the end of his retelling. 

"I kissed Guinevere in front of Arthur… the day before their wedding…?" He whispers in horror, eyes wider than saucers. "Not you," Merlin reminds him, "the shade pretending to be you. It may have used the --- of your body– ah, I mean, it presented itself as your body, but it definitely didn't have your soul. It simply… used your face."

It did not help make him feel better. Lance shakes his head, and stares down at his knees. "I… I can't believe…" he squeezes his eyes shut, and Merlin glimpses down to see his nails digging into his palms. "It's no wonder they won't look at me. No wonder they… Arthur has looked like he's been seconds away to killing me again these past few hours. He wouldn't even let me hug you properly."

Merlin gently places his hand on Lance's shoulder. "I'm so sorry Lancelot, in all the chaos, I just… I completely forgot to clear things up. I promise, we can talk to everyone tomorrow. Morgana has been getting better, I'm sure she'd be willing to back you up and defend your honor."

He laughs, running a hand through his hair and a tear slipping down his cheek. "It's so strange, now, hearing you speak about Lady Morgana in a positive light again. Even stranger that the positive light is about her just about ruining my relationships with my friends." Merlin gently wipes the tear off his face with a thumb, sadly smiling. 

"It's strange _talking_ about her in a positive light. Don't get me wrong, she's still a --- and still has to atone for her many crimes, but… in the seven years she's been with me, it's almost like the old her that died is glowing through. You don't have to forgive her, not in any capacity, and I'm sure she doesn't expect you to, just know she _will_ do what she can to try to make things right, now."

Lancelot laughs a little again, and leans against the hand on his cheek. "Let's just hope they'll listen to her enough to restore their faith in me. I… I don't know what I'd do if they… if they…" he turns his head away, Merlin's hand falling. Merlin nudges Lance with his shoulder. "If they don't listen to her, I'll just confirm it for them. Don't worry about it too much, okay?"

Lance simply responds by pressing against his side, and tucking his knees into his chest. "I trust you, Merlin." He goes quiet after that. Merlin gently presses his head against his old friend's shoulder. "Can I tell you about the stars? I know enough to fill up a few books." It's enough to make the knight smile again.

*

It wasn't hard getting everyone into the reliving room, as Gwaine affectionately dubbed it the night before, the next morning when they were already gathered there, Arthur and Gwen included. They all seemed rather surprised to see Merlin, Lance, and Morgana descend the stairs together, Lance and Merlin having come from the same room and Morgana gracefully following behind them after gathering everyone. They choose to sit snugly in the loveseat, Merlin pressed to Lance's side, and Morgana with a leg draped over the arm of the seat (thankfully wearing leggings today, though the tightness of them still seemed to make the knights sweat).

"It's come to my attention that there's been a lot of misunderstandings these past few hours. I know that you all want to know why you've come back, what is happening, --- ---, but there is one that needs to be immediately cleared up, and that is Lancelot's case," Merlin diplomatically says, gesturing wildly to him, then nods to Morgana to take over.

Morgana never complained when it came to repenting for her crimes against those who once were her friends, and willingly took over explaining just what she did to Lancelot and Guinevere. The noble knight stared down at his feet the entire time, nails dug into his palm again. All Merlin can do is press his knuckles harder against the side of his thigh.

It really was difficult though, asking Morgana to allow the knights to hate her more by admitting her wrongdoings in order to clear Lance's name, especially when she had been doing so well in finding her feet and living in peace again. The horrified looks on everyone's face and the guilt in her eyes didn't make it any better.

"You charmed my wife and used Lancelot to make me banish her?" Arthur whispers. Morgana can do nothing but look down and nod. "I did," she says softly with a tremble in her voice. Elyan's fists clench, and Gwaine stopped looking in her direction since she admitted to using Lance's body. Guinevere just looks broken and humiliated.

"I… I was exiled from Camelot, Morgana. Arthur and Elyan couldn't even _look_ at me before I left. How could you do this?" Morgana can't respond. Gwen presses her eyes shut, and takes a deep breath. "I can't forgive you for this, Morgana. You know that, don't you?" "Yes," she whispers. Amber eyes fall to the ground for a moment, then flick back up to the Priestess. 

"Thank you for telling us," Guinevere chokes. Morgana nods.

She stays silent for a moment, then stands from the loveseat. "I'm… going to leave you all to… do whatever you need to after that." She nods again, and makes a swift exit for her room. The room stills for only a moment before Arthur stands and crosses the room. "Lancelot, I…" the king stops, and deeply inhales. "I'm so sorry, Lancelot."

The knight shakes his head. "You didn't know." A disbelieving laugh comes from behind the two. "Of course you're still being the apologist you are, Lancelot," Gwaine says, a small croak in his voice. Lance gives him a sad smile. "It's easy to forgive someone when you know it was all just a big misunderstanding." "You don't have to forgive them, Lance." The knight startles, and snaps his head to Merlin. "Merlin, that's-!" 

"No, Lancelot, for once, this dollophead is right," Arthur sighs, running a hand through his hair. The knight gulps, and squeezes his fingers tight against his knee.

"I…" "I treated you horribly, Lance. I can understand if you can't forgive me for what I have said to you. I'm- truly sorry," Arthur's voice breaks towards the end. "…" Lancelot nods, and takes a moment to meet everyone's eyes. "I… I don't think I can forgive you right now. I know I can, sometime soon, but right now-" he gulps again, and leans back in the seat. "Right now, with the information so new, and everything having happened so recently, I… just give me the day, please?"

Percival is the first to stand next to Arthur, and hold out his hand. "Please don't worry about us, my friend," he says, voice soft. Elyan and Gwaine come to stand by Arthur and Percy's side. "We'll be here when you're ready," Elyan agrees with a shake of his head and a sad smile. Leon peers over his king's shoulder, and too offers out a hand between the crowded bodies. "Take your time, my friend." Lancelot smiles, and shakes the two men's hands.  
  
After a moment, the men disperse to give Gwen room to move in front of him. He barely gets the chance to stand up before she throws her arms around his shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Lancelot. I'm so so sorry," she weeps softly into his neck, gripping the back of his shirt. He holds her tight, nodding against her curls. 

"It's not your fault, Guinevere. It's not your fault."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the Lancelot hate will cease, finally. Believe it or not he is my one of my favorite characters, along with Gwaine Leon and Morgana. I'm not sure I did the whole "weary about Lancelot because his shade kissed Gwen the day before her and Arthur's wedding and then killed himself" thing justice, but hopefully you guys still liked it :)
> 
> In case any of you noticed, yes I did start making Merlin start addressing Lancelot as "old friend/old best friend" whereas everyone else still thinks of him as their current friend/best friend. Keep in mind, Lance and Merlin WERE very close in their time in Camelot, but it's been over 1500 years since then. Merlin still retains his memories of everyone and still definitely holds affection for them, can probably still even match wits with them still, but he is a changed man. Right now, though he does still care for them all, Morgana is his best friend right now, and his friendships with everyone else dwindled in his disappearance and their deaths.
> 
> So I've been talking to some Merlin fans about how, when writing this chapter, I ended up with a large scene that I rather like character wise, however it's a very specific scene that didnt fit anywhere in this chapter due to how different the mood is, and it cannot be moved anywhere else (at least, for what I have written and planned it doesnt fit anywhere else)  
> SO I'm going to be making a seperate fic to place this scene in. It is fic canon, but it's not necessary to read so do with it what you will :) itll be uploaded in a while
> 
>  **Note from Chapter 6, 11/21:** As per request from a commenter, I'll be adding quick translations for what 'new' words Merlin and Morgana say that the Knights+Gwen dont understand :) again, these are just words I think would more than likely not have an Old English translation (yes I know there were probably a few in the early chapters but I introduced it chapter 4 oops) or I just think have a bit of comedic value.
> 
> Merlin: "... it may have used the **manifestation** of your body...  
> Merlin: "Dont get me wrong, shes still a **bitch**...  
> Merlin: "... why you've come back, what is happening, **yadda yadda**...


	8. Very Good Bad Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that wait for this chapter, I'm currently in the process of a really big move, it's been a pretty crazy past week. Also I've been drawing a lot more recently because of time sensitive things so that was also a factor in the wait, sorry! I wont keep you anymore :)

"So this is a toaster..." Elyan mutters to himself, fumbling around the machine in his hands. 

"Yes, and if you stop messing with it-" Merlin says in a far too cheery tone, plucking it from the blacksmith's hands, "- we can eat breakfast sooner rather than later, and finally get around to talking about what the hell happened yesterday!" The man just huffs, and goes instead to investigate the microwave with Gwaine, who has been annoyingly pressing the button to open and close it over and over again.

Morgana stifles a laugh at Merlin's obvious misery at the knights' childlike curiosity of basic kitchen supplies, then turns back to the stove to flip the umpteenth omelette she's made so far. He'll never say it outloud, but Merlin absolutely adores her newfound passion for cooking and inability to get tired of it.

"Merlin, can I please have berries in my, um… what did you call it?" Gwen peeks over his shoulder on the other side of the stove and points at his pan. He gently grabs her hand and pushes it away from the heat. "A pancake, and yes, I can add berries to yours," he laughs, grabbing a small handful to throw in the next batter. "I want berries too!" Arthur yells from the other side of the kitchen, sitting on his arse at the table.

"Ask nicely and say please like your wife did and I might consider it." "Oh I'm _sorry_ , _Mer_ lin, may I _please_ have berries in my pancakes too? Might I offer you a foot massage and a pay raise while I'm at it?" Arthur full body rolls his eyes, sarcasm dripping as thick as the maple syrup at his side. The warlock blows a raspberry at his king, and turns back to his pan. 

"No berries for prats!" "I better not find any in yours then, you clotpole!" "It's my house, I can have as many berries as I want!" 

"Can I have berries?" Lancelot softly interjects, looking up from where Leon was now pressing random buttons on the microwave Gwaine and Elyan had unplugged from the way to investigate. "Lancelot, _you_ can have as many berries as you'd like," Merlin smiles at him, a smug look thrown over his shoulder at Arthur, who begins pouting.

"Alright alright boys, enough fighting, omelettes are ready," Morgana sighs, sliding the massive dish of steaming eggs into the table. Gwaine and Percival immediately look up from where all the knights were now gathered around the poor microwave and darted over to the table. "They aren't poisoned, are they?" Gwaine skeptically asks, stabbing into an omelette and lifting it to his mouth anyways. The priestess barely manages to hold back an eye roll and a sigh, and instead grits her teeth, "No, they aren't. You were in here the whole time, you would know." The Irishman shrugs, and proceeds to shovel half of the egg into his mouth.

Of course, he immediately begins 'hashfahshsha,' with his head tilted all the way back and mouth gaped open, but refusing to spit the food back out. "Hohmygohs ish sho HOH," he groans around the food, earning a well deserved punch on the arm from Percy. "It just came off the heat, you imbecile," Arthur sighs and presses his fingers to his temple.

Soon, all the toast, pancakes, and omelettes were finished and plated, and the nine were sitting scattered around the kitchen. Gwen was initially horrified at Morgana and Merlin taking up residence on the kitchen island, but the warlock simply hit her with the 'my house my rules' again, prompting a rebellious cheer from Gwaine who then sat down on top of the table, right next to Leon's plate. The First Knight immediately shoved the man off. Gwaine ended up sitting on the floor with Percy and Lance while the King, Queen, and Elyan sat with Leon.

"Sho," Gwaine unfortunately continues on talking with his mouth full, "all of ush died, inchudin' Gwen, an it HASHN'T acshually been eigh' yearsh since Arf'r's deaf?" "I can't believe I'm associated with you," Leon sighs, putting the food on his fork back to his plate as if he's lost his appetite. "Honestly, I don't know why you would think it's been that little time, how you even really got it," Morgana shrugs as she cuts up her pancakes.

"It definitely hasn't been that short amount of time," Merlin sighs, and reaches up into a nearby cabinet. Morgana barks out a laugh and asks in modern English, " **Day drinking in front of our guests already? You know we have a drunkard, right?** " " **I'm going to need it for this conversation, they are welcome to what I've got,** " Merlin groans back, pulling out a bottle of €5 merlot. " **Merlin that's your worst wine!** " " **Sure, but it's my strongest of wines.** "

He waves a hand at the glass cabinet and magicks a few glasses out. "Wine, anyone? Gwaine?" "Hell yeah I want wine!" Morgana sighs and takes one of the offered wine glasses. "I only have like 2 glasses, so anyone else will have to drink out of these bad boys," Merlin laughs, bringing out some of his prized coffee mugs. Arthur, Percival, and Leon also took him up on his offer, though Leon looked very exasperated when he was handed a cup with a cat presenting its arse. Gwaine is almost upset until Merlin gives him a very phallic shaped cup, making the man guffaw and take an immediate sip.

"Merlin, my love, you're stalling," Guinevere finally speaks up before politely taking a bite of her berry pancake. "Should I hit you with the my house my rules quote again?" Merlin weakly tries. " _Mer_ lin," Arthur warns him this time, and he knows he cannot deny his king any longer. Merlin sighs, and takes a quick swig of his dumb cheap wine.

"You've all been dead for 1500 years."

Gwaine audibly chokes around his wine while Elyan's fork makes an unpleasant screech across his plate. Gwen grimaces in sympathy, looking like she wants to reach out and hold him. Merlin presses on, determined to not get sidetracked again,

"You know I am a being of magic, but more specifically, I am what the Druids refer to as 'eternal.' "Emrys," Percival breathes in reverence, receiving a nod. "Yes, Emrys... King of the Druids, the most powerful warlock to live, Magic itself… lots of names." Merlin brushes his hand through his hair, and takes a moment to glance at Morgana, who just takes another sip of her wine with a sour look on her face. 

"When Arthur died by Avalon, I found out from an… old friend, that I was immortal… meaning-" "You've been alive this whole time we've been gone," Lancelot finishes for him with a rather horrified look in his eye. Merlin presses his lips together at the interruption, but nods and pushes on. "I can't tell you why you've all come back… the prophecy stated that it was only Arthur that was coming back, not… well, not all of you. Freya, the Lady of The Lake, you probably didn't meet her, she's a bit shy, but I swear she's super sweet when you get to know her-"

"Stay on track, Merlin," Morgana kicks him. He kicks her back with a roll of the eye, and continues, "She's basically the guardian of Lake Avalon. She can… er, send a message, via our magic, I suppose is the easiest way to put it? But she can call for us to come to her, which is what she did last night when you all came up."

"We didn't see a lady," Lance mumbles, eyebrows still shot up from the previous revelation. "She tries not to interfere too much; you probably haven't noticed since you've only been here but…" Merlin exchanges a small glance with Morgana. She shrugs at him. He huffs at the lack of verbal support. "Magic, well… it's not that it is outlawed or doesn't exist, but, er…" he scratches the back of his neck, prompting Arthur to growl at him, " _Mer_ lin, if I have to wait any longer for an explanation-" 

"People don't believe in it anymore!"

Leon places his face into his palms, "This is too much to keep up with." Elyan, who is also cradling his head in his hands, grabs Leon's mug and takes a long chug from it.

"Sorry…?" Merlin scratches his cheek nervously. Morgana finally pipes up and says in an uncomfortably forced sympathetic voice, "It was a pain for me to grasp, as well." She pauses for a moment, and tilts her head towards her glass. "Then again, Merlin was still my mortal enemy in my eyes, so that made things pretty hard on the both of us as well…"

"You saying you aren't mortal enemies right now?" Gwaine weakly jokes, in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood, but Morgana purses her lips at him. "Merlin and I seem like we are close, and we are because of our situation, but don't get things twisted: we aren't enemies anymore, but Merlin and I are still _not_ on good terms. More like in a love/hate relationship but emphasis on the _hate_."

The room visibly shocks for the third time in the last 5 minutes when Merlin angrily huffs what is basically a confirmation, and then quickly says something they can't understand to her again. The Priestess rolls her eyes and mumbles what they can only assume to be curses into her glass. 

"This is- a lot. Maybe too much. Perhaps we should adjourn for the day," Gwen manages to choke out, her back still rigid from when the serious talk began. "This isn't court, Guinevere," Morgana groans at the same time she hops off the counter to storm out of the kitchen. The room goes quiet and hears her stomp up the stairs and slam of her room door.

"Pancakes, anyone?" Merlin weakly offers up the now cold stack of leftover pancakes at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute since I completely looked over this chapter, so I hope there wasnt any blurred out words I forgot I needed to translate. The thing Merlin says to Morgana in English is purposely not being translated for plot reasons.
> 
> So, yes, Morgana is still angry at Merlin, despite having been with him 7 years now, why? Well, first off, would you yourself ever really be able to forgive the person you thought was once a close friend who not only has tried to kill you multiple times and even successfully did so, but also didnt help you when you thought you were alone in the world where everyone seemed out to get you? Even if you can somehow say yes, keep in mind Morgana did go insane, she doesn't have the most stable thought processes (👀). Second off.... plot reasons. 
> 
> Nah, but seriously, in terms of what's happening in this fic, Morgana and Merlin ARE each other's best friend in this world, but this is mostly because they've had no other choice but to stick around each other. Morgana couldnt go off on her own for a long time, and Merlin wouldnt in good conscience let the woman who has killed countless people for her own gain out into the world. And, also, he has been alone for a very long time, he's clinging to what he can get. So yes, they can laugh and joke together, they can feel empathetic and proud of each other, they can even sleep in the same bed together, but they have not forgotten their past lives, and they have not forgotten their first meeting in Morgana's revival (👀👀). Theres a lot that isnt revealed yet, so dont worry too much if things are still a bit confusing!
> 
> Thanks for sticking around and reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first time trying out posting a fic of mine, so it's not the greatest ówò" think of this as a test run. If I like how this all plays out, even if I don't get any likes or reads, I think I'll keep posting. I like my idea, and hope I can find a way to write everything I want down!


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